Finding out about infertility can be a devastating experience. Jumping straight into making decisions about egg donation in such unfavorable conditions is probably not the best of ideas. What you should do first is take a deep breath and come to terms with the state you found yourself in. Choosing an egg donor is probably one of the most significant and important decisions you will ever make in your life and you don’t want to be making it in a negative state of mind. So give yourself time, if you have some really complicated feelings you can even try to talk to a therapist.
Are you ready? First things first
Your first decision will be choosing whether you want your egg donor to be anonymous or not. Some of the future parents prefer to get to know the donor and hope she could meet the child and establish some relationship with it. Others choose the anonymous donors and they do not want the donor to get involved in any other way besides providing the eggs. This is a more confidential and transparent way.
First thing you should take a close look at is the donor’s profile. Try not only notice the information the donor is giving about herself but also how she does it, what words does she use and how she presents herself in general. It is important to get a good “vibe” about a donor and to feel like you can relate to her. Imagine if you can see this person fitting into you family or if could she be your friend.
Overall important qualities
- Aged between 21 and 30. Below 21 is to young and could be not mature enough, 30 is past the fertility peak
- Mature, dependable, responsible
- Physically and psychologically healthy with documented medical history
- Good figure proportions
- Drug free
One of the first things that comes to mind when figuring out which egg donor to choose is the physical appearance. It is natural that most parents want the child to resemble their own physical appearance. If your family mostly has brown eyes and pale skin it probably will be important for you for the donor to have such attributes. It’s also very common and rather normal that most partners want the donor to be attractive. Sometimes photos of the donors when they were children or photos of their kid are available for those searching for an egg donor. This way people searching for egg donors can see what their child could possibly look like. If you don’t care about the physical appearance at all that makes things a lot easier and broadens you selection.
Of course none of this matters when contrasted with medical history. You must remember that a young, healthy-looking and attractive college student does not immediately make a suitable donor. All egg donors are medically tested physically and psychologically, however you still have to be aware and examine the medical history and combine it with your family’s history. If for example the male parent is a carrier of some genetic disease than a donor carrying the same genetic disease should be avoided. Blood type is also an important matter when choosing the donor. If it is an anonymous donor it would be good if your blood types matched. If something ever happened to the child and blood is needed you won’t have to look for it. It is worth to add that if the child does not know that it was conceived using donated eggs then if blood is needed he could find out that you are not 100% biologically related.
As we said earlier you should feel a connection with the donor. That’s why personality is also important when you are choosing the donor. You can check what are the donor’s hobbies, interests, what sports does he like. It is recommended that you find someone who shares your interests and to whom you can relate to.
Keep in mind that various egg banks have different policies on what information they give on the donors.
When you already narrowed the number of donors of your choice it is fairly important to get an idea where is their localization. If the donor is local you can save up thousands of dollars on flights and hotels. So if you have limited budget try looking for local donors and then when this does not work start searching on a bigger scale.
It’s important not to focus on a specific trait, just go with your instincts. People who choose their donors more “lightly” and who feel “just right” are usually happier with their choice.