Anonymous or non-anonymous donor?

Deciding if the egg donor should be an anonymous donor or non-anonymous donor is a very serious matter. This choice will have impact on your life long after your pregnancy and birth, even your entire life. Both choices carry their own set of consequences that you will need to know about.

Anonymous donor

Choosing an anonymous donor is more confidential and gives more piece of mind when it comes to child related rights. An egg donor is chosen with the help of your fertility clinic or agency. The clinics have egg donor base where you can see all the information available on donors. Depending on the clinic there are some differences in the policies of the information that is provided. In most cases you will not be able to know the donor’s name. Sometimes there are photos available either of the donor or of her children just to give you a glimpse of what you might expect in terms of the physical appearance of your future child. There are of course some possibilities to request some more data like height, weight, age and skin colour. In some cases you can look into the donor’s education and profession. But this all depends on the laws of the specific country. There were some cases where the anonymous donor suddenly had claims about her rights to the child. However, do not worry. These are matters regulated not only by your agreement with the donor, but also by the most common legislation concerning egg donations and infertility treatment procedures. Your information is confidential and it will not be available to the donor. Again depending on the clinic the donor has the possibility to know if their donation resulted in a successful pregnancy.

Here are some important things about non-anonymous and anonymous donors you should remember:

  • Although the donor is anonymous and you are entitled to decide whether the child knows their origins or not, you have to remember that they have the right to find out how they were conceived.
  • Remember there might be a situation where the donor’s blood is needed for the child in case of some accident or emergency. So it is a very good idea to establish some kind of relationship with the donor so she could help in such situations. The best case scenario is to choose a donor with the same blood type as yours. This way you avoid problems in the future.
  • Keep in mind that not telling the child of their origins could cause you problems in the future. The child could find out themselves when they turn 18 or they might be informed by someone else.

Known egg donor

The legal aspects of choosing a known donor might be a bit blurry. Some couples don’t know what role the donor should play in the child’s life. It is up to you to establish some kind of an agreement on how to make things work between you, the donor and the child. Your name and address is available to the donor. A known donor could be a friend, someone close to your family, someone whom you can trust. It could also be a person chosen by the recipients whom they want to meet face to face (a semi-know donor). If both sides agree, you can exchange phone numbers, emails as well as other personal information you decide to share. You can also arrange a meeting in the future between the donor and the child. You can decide whether you want to send photos from time to time to keep the donor updated. Some information is of course exchanged for medical purposes.

Some people just don’t feel right with receiving eggs from a complete stranger. The fact they know her, gives them piece of mind. Choosing a known donor could have a serious impact on the relationship with this person. If the donor was your sister or maybe a close friend of yours, things could change between you because of that. Think about what role the donor would have in your child’s life. The combination of friendship and genetic connection of your donor and your child could make you feel all sort of emotions. Make sure you have your family or partner’s support to deal with them.

Another matter could be the fact that you probably won’t pay any money to your own donor because she is obviously doing this to help you but maybe there is something else you can do to make her feel appreciated.

Deciding on a non-anonymous or anonymous donor is all up to you. Think about what is important for you and most important what would be the best option for your future child.

3 Comments

  1. We decided to have infertility treatment using anonymous egg donor. I can’t imagine using non-anonymous donor. Somehow it doesn’t sound right to me

  2. I’m 41, my husband is 45. Using donor eggs is now the only option for me. I think we’ll go for anonymous donor..

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *