Anonymous or non-anonymous donor?

Deciding if the egg donor should be anonymous or non-anonymous is a very serious matter. This choice will have impact on your lives long after the pregnancy and birth, even your entire life. Both choices carry their own set of consequences that you will need to know about.

Anonymous donor

Choosing an anonymous donor is more confidential and gives more piece of mind when it comes to hers child related rights. She is chosen with the help of your clinic or agency. They have profiles which you will get all the information that are available on the donors. Depending on the clinics there are some differences on the policies of the information that are provided on the donors. In most cases you will not be able to know the donors name. Sometimes there are photos available either of the donor or of her children just to give you a glimpse of what you might expect of the physical appearance of your future child. There are of course some possibilities to request preferences like height, weight, age and skin colour. In some cases you can look into the donor’s education and profession. But this is all dependable on the laws of the specific countries. There were some cases where the anonymous donor suddenly had claims about hers rights to the child but not to worry this are matters regulated not only by your agreement with the donor but also by the most common legislation concerning egg donations and infertility treatment procedures. Your information is confidential and it will not be available for the donor. Again depending on the clinic sometimes the donor has the possibility to know if their donation resulted in a successful pregnancy.

Here are some important things you should remember about:

  • Although the donor is anonymous and you are entitled to decide either the child knows of their origins or not, you have to remember that it has the right to find out how was she or he created.
  • Remember there might be a situation where the donor’s blood is needed for the child in case of some accident or emergency. So it is a very good idea to establish some kind of relationship with the donor so he could help in such situations. Even better scenario is if when you are choosing the donor and you match her blood type with yours, than the problem is solved.
  • Keep in mind that not telling the child of his origins could cause you problems in the future, the child could find out themselves when they turn 18 or they might be informed by someone else.

Known egg donor

The legal aspects when choosing a known donor could get a bit blurry. Some couples don’t know what role should the donor play in the child’s life. It is up to you to establish some kind of an agreement on how to make things work between you, the donor and the child. Your name and address is available to the donor. A known donor could be a friend, someone close to your family who you can trust. It could also be a person chosen by the recipients which they want to meet face to face (a semi-know donor). If both sides agree you can exchange phone numbers, emails as well as other personal information you decide to share. You can also arrange a meeting in the future between the donor and the child. You decide either you want to send photos from time to time to keep the donor updated. Some information is of course exchanged for medical purposes.

Some people just don’t feel right with receiving eggs from a complete stranger. The fact they know her, gives them piece of mind. Choosing a known donor could have a serious impact on the relationship with this person. If the donor was your sister or maybe a close friend of yours, things could change between you because of that. Think about what role the donor would have in your child’s life. The combination of friendship and genetic connection of your donor and your child could make you feel all sort of emotions, maybe you ­would be even jealous? This may sound silly but it’s really not, you could feel threatened.

Another matter could be the fact that you probably won’t pay any money to your own donor because she is obviously doing this to help you but maybe there is something else you can do to make her feel appreciated.

Deciding on an anonymous or non-anonymous donor is all up to you. Think about what is important for you and most important what would be the best option for your future child.